if you like me you must not know who I am
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
