i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
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Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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