I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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