What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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