I think my vagina is haunted
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
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He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
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Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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