It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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