OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
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My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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