I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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