Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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