If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Can you bring me the toilet please
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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