I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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