I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize