You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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