matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize