So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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