I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize