he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize