no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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