I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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