All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
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Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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