what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize