i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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