4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
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complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
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I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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