Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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