If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize