I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize