I have demons in me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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