they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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