Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
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you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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