Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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