i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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