we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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