omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
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You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
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he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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