OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize