there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
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I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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