My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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