i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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