Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
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I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
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You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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