I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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