so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
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i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
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And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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