If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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