I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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