I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
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When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
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He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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