You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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