he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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