I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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