You can't motorboat a personality
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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