He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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