i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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