Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize